The Secret Life of the American Teenager.  Pretty Little Liars.  The Lying Game.  These are just a few of the television shows I hear mentioned on a regular basis as I do life with girls in small groups, Bible studies, coffee dates, and school lunches.  While I do not follow any of these shows on a regular basis, I do tune in sometimes to see what the girls are exposing themselves to and so that I can engage in conversation about what they're watching.

If you work with teenage girls, it is so important to know what they're watching, listening to, and engaging in during their free time.  Even if you do no more than check out the titles of these three shows, you'll see one over-arching theme: lying.  If there's one thing I've learned from being a teenage girl and working with teenage girls, it's that they are either really good at lying or they at least face the pressure to lie on a regular basis.  We often hear from an early age, "Sometimes it's okay to tell a little white lie."  An article I recently came across confirmed this truth for me - teenage girls are full of secrets.

When I talk with girls about lying, I often tell them about the time I sold cookies as part of a fundraiser for my elementary school.  When the cookies were given to us to be delivered, instead of dropping them off at our elderly neighbor's house, my friend and I hid under the tree at her house, ate her cookies, and threw the box under the bushes in her yard!  My Mom got a phone call a few weeks later asking about why the cookies had not been delivered, and, to my humiliation, I had to go next door and confess to my neighbor what I had done.  I can still remember the burning fear I felt when my Mom began to question me about the cookies.  As I reflect, I see this as the beginning of a pattern in my life where I told little lies on a regular basis to get myself out of trouble.  I was a follower of Christ and raised in the church with a wonderful family, but I consistently lied to keep my "perfect church girl" image.  The cookie story may not seem like that big of a deal, but it led to a  pattern of lying about my unwise choices as a teenage girl which in turn affected me tremendously as a young adult.

Just a few nights ago, I caught a girl in a lie that really was not even worth lying about, but I found myself sad that she so easily lied to me and thought it was okay.  But when I think about what pop culture is feeding our girls, it doesn't surprise me so much.  The media tells girls everyday that lying is not just okay, it's the cool thing to do.  It's what makes you attractive, mature, and popular.  Talk about a lie!

As followers of Christ and women who work with teenage girls, we are called to help girls recognize that the lies of Satan are often, if not always, cloaked by things that might look good in this world.  Watching a show about lying may not seem like a big deal to girls, but telling lies and keeping secrets are surefire ways to head down a path of destruction.  So, not only is it our responsibility to dispel the myths that pop culture is feeding teenage girls, it is also our responsibility to create places where they feel safe enough to talk about what's really going on in their lives.  This looks different in the various contexts in which we do ministry, but it is crucial for girls to have a place to be honest with themselves, with one another, and with women who have walked their journey.

Ephesians 5:8-10 says, "for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.  Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.  But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'" (ESV)

We're not going to put an end to girls tuning into shows that tell them to lie to themselves, each other, their parents, and us anytime soon.  But we can expose the lies that the media tells them; we can even use the media in appropriate ways to discuss the lies the world is throwing at them (and us!) on a daily basis.  I pray daily for God to bring what has been hidden in the darkness in the lives of teenage girls into the Light of His Truth.  Some may "just" be lying about stolen cookies, but others are hiding secrets about hurts they have incurred or sin problems they are struggling with that will scar them for years to come without the healing Truth of Jesus poured deep into their hearts.  Let's do our best to teach teenage girls "all that is good and right and true" while simultaneously creating a place for them to talk truthfully about their secrets.

It is often easier to build a strong girl than to repair a broken woman.  If we can help girls right in the middle of their mess today, we will have the great joy of raising up a generation of young women who walk in the Light and believe that the Truth will set them free.

Resources that will help you dispel lies and create safe places for teenage girls:

Lies Young Women Believe

http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/

SCARRED: Preparing for the Hurt in Life

http://www.simplyyouthministry.com/resources-sermons-scarred.html

Life Hurts, God Heals

http://www.simplyyouthministry.com/life-hurts-god-heals.html