I learned the hard way. I’m sure it’s happened to you, too. I logged onto facebook, and there was a peculiar line in my news feed; a girl in the youth group had joined a group that would make even her father blush. A wave of questions washed through my head. What should I do? Should I call her parents? Should I confront her myself? Maybe I should just ignore the issue all together.

The next Sunday I approached her as soon as possible, asked why in the world she did that, and then proceeded to demand that she tell her parents or I was going to. She immediately got angry with me and denied the behavior in front of her parents. So what went wrong?

I’ve since learned to ask myself some questions before confronting such issues. How well do I know this girl? Do I spend hours with her each week in discipleship or small group, or is she simply a girl I say hi to in the hall? I once heard that you have enough influence to confront students on tough issues if you have spent at least one or more hours with them a week. If you have spent time in the student’s home, it gives you even greater influence because you know her better and potentially have a relationship with her parents. This is the first place I went wrong. I knew this girl, but wasn’t spending consistent time with her each week and had not spent significant time in her home. Therefore, I probably was not the best person to address the matter. Perhaps her small group leader could have best spoken to the issue. If this girl had known me better, maybe she would have known I wasn’t just out to get her in trouble. She would have realized I was truly concerned and loved her.

Another question I’ve learned to ask is “How big of an issue should this really be?” I should have taken more time to evaluate before attacking the problem. Did her actions indicate she was involved in risky, immoral, or illegal behavior? If so, her parents needed to know. If the issue wasn’t that serious, she may have just needed some encouragement to make better decisions.

I failed to determine who could have best addressed the problem and the severity of the issue. My goal is to influence girls to be like Jesus in every area of life, even if that means someone is more qualified than I at times to address issues in their lives.

How do you handle such issues with girls in your ministry? How do you determine who can best address the problem? Share any tips or lessons you’ve learned along the way.